| it's 4 am and i can't sleep

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/30064752?origin\x3dhttps://panbacake.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

ǝʌıʇɔǝdsɹǝd ɹnoʎ ǝƃuɐɥɔ ✡

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations

6.06.2007, 8:20 PM

For the past four days, I honestly felt relieved of homework. Of course then I had to play my instruments, but hey I could live with that. Today was just too sad and tomorrow will be sadder.
I guess a part of me knows I got to move on, but part of me s ays: Flunk. STay in middle school. But that's impossible I guess.
So today afterschool, I got some 6th grade teacher's AUTOGRAPH. Wooo. Mr. Welch is retiring and i'll never forget what he said to me. Of course I was crying so I had to quickly say goodbye. Oh my god. It's really ending and typing this makes my eyes watery--yet again. Well the saddest part was when Mrs. Hee gave me this box. And this is no ordinary box. Out of all of the teachers I've ever had, I never kept in touch with them for three years. Now Mrs. Hee, really inspired me in 6th grade. I was quiet and Anne said I looked all mean because I would never smile in 6th grade. I was basically scared because I transferred from a school in diamond bar and going to walnut well. not so many people I knew. So all 6th grade year, I remember me focusing on school and never working past 10 P and always spending hours on projects. But I did have really good friends.. that I talked about homework with. I swear everyday in the morning when we got to school, we'd pull out our homeworks and compare answers. blahhhh blahhh blah. And then 7th grade came around the corner. Even more projects. More coloring. New friends, new bonds. Okay. well back to 6th grade. By the end, I really became more open I guess. I wouldn't always have a frown. haaaaaaaaaa. Well Mrs. Hee was always there to talk and just by saying "hi mrs. hee" to her when I saw her really made my worries go. So when she handed me the box. I wanted to cry. BUt I couldn't do it in front of her or the room would flood. And we had this orchestra party today and my slideshow got messed up. x_X Well. I opened the gift and inside was the book: Bartlett's words to live by and I Just cried and cried. thank goodness the lights were off. And oh my god. It was the most beautiful gift i ever received--yeah and it's a book. o_O---and that's when it really hit me how much I'm going to miss Suzanne. Well after the party was over, I walked over to the library bc my mom was doing her hair at the salon and didn't pick me up til 4 P. So I take out my book and bc I just know im going to cry bc I'm a little emotional. not like cutting.. -_- cause that's lame. But just sensitive I guess. I stay outside or the library people would kick me out. Well. So I begin reading it and i start crying like crazy and then I called Anne and she was crying too and it was really pointless but totally necessary.

And this quote really made me laugh and sad at the same time. (Not bipolar)

"In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. IN Switzerland they had brotherly love, they had 500 years of democracy and peace. And what did they produce? The cukoo-clock. " -Orson Welles.

Okay. So i'm mostly mourning. Aghhhhh I'm just going to miss middle school so much. =(